I Cannot Leave Your Eyes
by skysedge
Summary: Riff doesn’t know why he kissed Cain that night but he does know that he can't stay with him anymore. Cain has to find him before he is destroyed by the guilt and tell him the vital point he doesn't understand; love can never be evil. Sequel started
1. One breath full of tumbling sheets

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**Note: This is going to be a fairly lengthy story so this is why the plot doesn't develop entirely from the first chapter. This story is heavily influenced by the song 'Short Glance' by Lacrimas Profundere, which is where the title and chapter titles come from. I don't own the song and anything from the Godchild/Cain series belongs to Kaori Yuki. **

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The candlelight made his skin shine like porcelain.

Despite helping his master to dress for years, Riff had never realised that as strongly before; the feeling that Cain was as fragile as porcelain imprinted itself deep into his mind and suddenly all he wanted to do was hold him. Staring at the wicked scars etching the skin of Cain's back, Riff felt a wave of some emotion he could never articulate washing over him.

Looking back on the night on the many evenings alone that were to follow, Riff could never work out why that night had been the one it happened. Nothing had happened to spark any sort of response. It was just an ordinary evening after an ordinary day of taking Mary Weather shopping. Yet what happened that night was one of the most important moments in his life.

Cain was sitting on the edge of his bed like always, his back to the room and his legs sprawled out over the covers so that Riff could help him undress for the evening. His dark hair was hanging down into his face and he seemed deep in thought; it was obvious no speech was forthcoming. If Cain had spoken, Riff would most likely never have done what he did.

Silently and carefully, as always, Riff had removed his master's shirt and now stood staring at his back. He moved ever so slowly and softly forwards, and ran just the tips of his fingers over the scars. Cain didn't respond and this didn't help matters. Without really meaning to and without knowing why, Riff leant forward and kissed the ruined flesh gently.

He pulled away, shocked at himself at the same moment that Cain spun around, eyes wide. He shuffled back along the bed slightly although this didn't help; from spinning around he had made it so that Riff was standing in between his sprawling legs.

Neither of them noticed the strangeness of this as they were too busy staring at the other.

"Riff?" Cain's voice was quiet, childlike and entirely out of character. Riff felt something break inside of him somewhere. Before he knew it, he had leant forward and pressed his lips very softly against Cain's, who was still staring at him, wide-eyed.

Riff drew back very suddenly, gasping a little. What on earth was he doing?

"I…." he began and trailed off, not knowing what to say. Cain took one long, deep breath, his face unreadable. And then he virtually threw himself across the bed in a tangle of well pressed sheets to end up standing on the opposite side to his servant. They watched each other for a few moments.

"Riff…" he said slowly. "Can I ask you if-"

"Don't say it." Riff said quickly and took a step back. His eyes glistened in the candlelight. "I don't think I could bear to here you say it. I'll go. I'll leave tonight and you'll never have to see me again."

Cain was silent for a moment and then spoke suddenly, as though a dam was breaking. "But you promised you'd never leave me!"

"I know." Riff sighed and lowered his eyes to the ground. "I'll…I'll come back someday. When I have figured out whatever it is has possessed me and got rid of it."

"But I-"

"I'll be as quick as I can but I don't know if I can ever make it right." His words were coming fast now, as though he was afraid that once he stopped speaking he would never speak again.

"Riff, I-"

"Goodbye my lord. . . Cain."

With that, Riff left the room quickly, shutting the door behind him with a final, decisive click.

* * *

Mary Weather was twirling in front of a large mirror, smiling as the candlelight reflected off of the pearls sewn into her skirts. She had not had time to try on all the outfits she had bought that day while out with her brother and so was trying them on now under cover of darkness. No one would catch her, her brother was already in his room with Riff….

Footsteps were hurrying down the corridor.

Mary squeaked and scanned for a hiding place but could find none. She whimpered again as the door opened suddenly. She was surprised when it revealed Riff and Riff alone. She was even more surprised when she realised he was crying. Riff _never_ cried. Riff never really seemed to feel anything, not in normal situations. So what had happened?

"Riff?" She said quietly, clasping her hands behind her back and looking up at him. She smiled as he sunk to his knees so that he wasn't excessively taller than her. He knew it made her uncomfortable sometimes.

"Sorry if I alarmed you Mary." He said softly. She almost gasped. Something about his tone was different. He wasn't talking to her as the lady of the house, he wasn't talking to her as a child; he was talking to her as a friend.

"It's okay." She said. "What's wrong Riff? What's happened? Has big brother said something dreadful to you?"

Riff laughed and it sounded bitter even to her. "No, not at all. I stopped him from doing that. I'm leaving Mary."

"For how long?" She said, her voice taking on a higher tone of surprise. Her sweet face creased in a frown.

"As long as it takes." He cautiously raised a hand to her tiny shoulder and squeezed it gently. "I am sorry for leaving you, Mary and I'm sorry for having to ask you this but could you do me one favour?"

"Of course, Riff!" She replied. "If you're going away then I want to do anything I can to help get you back faster!"

He chuckled a little and some of the tears stopped. "Thank you. Whenever you see your brother next could you tell him something from me?" Mary nodded, confused. "Tell him that I'm sorry and that I won't break my promise if I can help it. Tell him that this is for the greater good and that I would never want my actions to harm either of you."

Mary nodded again. "But Riff…what did you do?"

He shook his head sadly. "It is of no consequence." He stood and was suddenly towering over Mary again. He reached into his pocket and withdrew a slip of rolled up paper which he then handed to her.

"What's this?" She asked, clutching the paper tightly in her delicate hands.

"An address." He said simply. "I won't be there but if you need me, _really_ need me then talk to the woman there. Don't tell Cain about the address. It's for you alone to use."

She nodded, confused but obedient. What reason had she got not to trust Riff? In some ways, he was more trustworthy than her brother.

"Okay."

He smiled, the tears beginning to flow again and then backed slowly out of the room.

"Goodbye Mary. That dress looks wonderful by the way. It makes you look like a mermaid."

Mary smiled sweetly and ignored the burning in her eyes. "Thank you Riff. Goodbye.

* * *

Back in Cain's room, he was still staring at the door as if by staring hard enough Riff would come back. He finally let out a breath he had been holding for god knew how long. It had stopped him from crying. He would only ever cry if he knew Riff would be there to comfort him and now that was a definite impossibility.

He opened his mouth to speak, thinking back angrily to how Riff had simply talked over him. He might as well finish the sentence. It was burning to be said and although it could do no good now, it could also do no harm.

"I just wanted to ask you if you felt it too." He whispered to the flickering candle flame. A single tear fell and he cursed it. Crying would do him no good.

He couldn't bring himself to believe that he might never see Riff again by Riff's choice. It was something he had never imagined and never wanted to but now he was being forced to live it. In his mind, all he could see was his own reflection in Riff's eyes as he had pulled away from what could be barely called a kiss but had contained all the impact of a marriage proposal. Cain could see that Riff had broken every rule by kissing him and yet he didn't care. They had just been denying it anyway, surely it was a good thing? Why would Riff leave? Did he even know what this meant?

Cain sighed and dropped his head into his hands. He just didn't know but he knew one thing; he couldn't think it was over, just couldn't. He would find Riff and tell him how he felt. Even if it didn't bring him back, at least he could put the man at peace.

Strangely, this resolve didn't make him feel any better. Cain got up, pulling on his shirt carelessly and began to walk to Mary Weather's room on shaking legs. Perhaps he had said goodbye to her as well…if he hadn't, Cain had no leads. It had been a while since Riff had left so he couldn't chase him now, didn't even feel strong enough.

Mary had better tell him something, or Cain didn't know if he could keep himself from breaking down entirely; and he had lost the person to catch him when he fell.

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_Please tell me what you think, it;s my first attempt at a long story with these guys and I'd love to know how I'm doing. Next chapter should be written soon  
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	2. You shouldn't hold me back

**Note: Thank you very much for the reviews people it means an awful lot. So much, that I wrote the next chapter at school in my frees. This sort of moves it in a bit more…oh and I know everyone is out of character but to be honest, it only works this way. **

**Earl Cain/Godchild are Kaori Yuki's and all rights are hers. The lyrics at the end belong to Lacrimas Profundere. I know Cain wouldn't have heard it, it being the 19****th**** century but I don't care They inspired me and so I want you all to see them. **

**Sorry for excessively long note XD You'll get used to it. Feedback love. **

Cain pushed open the door to Mary's room slowly and the wondered why. He was planning on waking her anyway, so why be careful?

Once the hinges had stopped creaking, he took one step into the darkened chamber and lowered his gaze to Mary's sleeping form. She would have been a perfect sleeping beauty; he golden curls were spread out over the linen, and one arm was over the covers to leave her hand resting by her face which was-

Her eyes were open. She was awake.

"Mary?" Cain whispered, to ensure she really was awake. She nodded and moved so that she was sitting up in bed instead of lying down. Without saying a word, Cain went and sat beside her. He didn't notice her tucking a small scrap of paper under her pillow. "Why are you not sleeping, Mary?"

She shook her head silently and Cain was surprised to see something like anger mixed in with the worry on her face.

"What did you say to Riff to make him leave?" Cain gaped, not knowing what to say so she continued. "He told me that it was his fault but I don't believe him. What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything." Cain said quietly, smiling weakly at Mary to let her know he wasn't trying to argue with her. "That's the whole point. He wouldn't let me say anything."

Mary scooted over the bed to stop next to her brother. She wrapped her small arms around his waist.

"Don't be sad." She said carefully. "He said he'll try and come back."

As if waking up from a dream, Cain suddenly snapped his head around to look at his sister. "Wait, he told you that? That means you've spoken to him doesn't it?"

Mary nodded and clutched at her covers a little tighter. It wouldn't do to let Cain see her cry.

"Do you know where he's gone?" Cain asked eagerly. It seemed to him that she hesitated a moment and then shook her head.

"No. I'm sorry. But I have a message from him for you."

"Yes?"

"He said that he doesn't want to break his promise and that he doesn't want to hurt us so that's why he's leaving. Oh, and that he's sorry."

"Damn." Cain murmured. "He doesn't have to be sorry for anything."

They lapsed into unhappy silence. Cain had no idea what was on Mary's mind but all he could think of was Riff. Where would he go? Surely he wouldn't leave London…if Cain was quick, he might be able to find him before he found lodgings somewhere. It wasn't _that_ late at night.

"If you were Riff," he said slowly. "Where is the first place you would go upon leaving here?"

Mary thought for a moment and her answer made it clear she had been thinking along the same lines. "I would go somewhere to think, somewhere to compose myself before trying to find somewhere to stay. Riff would never want to make a bad fist impression."

Cain nodded. "That's what I thought. So…he wouldn't go into a bar, not this late on his own. Although he can take care of himself, he wouldn't take that risk. S where…"

"A park?" Mary suggested brightly. "It's a warm night after all, and he's less likely to be disturbed there."

"Of course!" Cain jumped up and began to leave the room.

"Wait!" Mary cried. "You can't go alone…"

"I'll be fine." He insisted. "You stay here, go and talk to the servants for a while. I'm sure Riff said goodbye to them too, so they'll understand. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Mary didn't have a chance to say anything else as Cain left, grabbing his jacket from the stand beside the door and rushing out into the night.

There wasn't much time…

-

As Riff watched a young couple wandering aimlessly among the trees, all he could see was his reflection in Cain's catlike eyes. The couple were clearly looking for a shadow deep enough to hide acts of a scandalous nature. For a moment, he was jealous and then pushed that feeling down inside. It was wrong. It was _sick._

He knew it was a sin to fall for another man, let alone a man much younger than you who's also your master. He knew that revealing it to anyone could result in his death. This didn't change a thing. He could deny it all he wanted but inside, it felt _right_ to want Cain the way he did. Just admitting the feeling to himself felt like some splendid homecoming, like finding out who he really was.

This also didn't change anything. Cain would never understand, should never have to understand. It was better this way, better for everyone.

Yet he still couldn't stop seeing those golden eyes.

Riff focussed on his surroundings for a moment. The field was oval shaped and quite small, hemmed by a thick lining of oak trees. The couple had long vanished from sight and their footsteps could be traced by the breaks in the dew forming on the grass from the night mist. Riff fought the sudden urge to simply fall to the floor and let the water cover him entirely, so that his flesh felt as cold as he did inside.

He may have ruined Cain's life. He knew how important he was to his master and only wished he could have been satisfied with that. As long as he felt this way, he would never be happy. At least Cain had a chance of happiness left.

He thought about getting up and walking the short distance to his next destination but decided not to. He could sit here for a while longer. Perhaps the mist would invade his mind and cover all of these sinful thoughts, cover up the pain, cover up the guilt and leave whatever of Riff might remain.

He had an awful feeling that there wouldn't be much of him left.

-

Cain plunged into the trees and let the darkness envelop him.

The park was close to the mansion and had always been a favourite place to take Mary. During the day, nobody went there; the temptation of St James' was too much to overcome and Mary, Cain and Riff would have it to themselves. At night, it was the perfect place for secret activities. Riff laid his hand on the butt of his gun under his jacket, just in case.

A sudden noise made him spin around in surprise, but it was only to see a young couple leaning up against a tree, wrapped around each other. He rolled his eyes at them; they hadn't even noticed him approach. He went to warn them to be more careful but then realised that this would be hypocritical; he had almost stumbled into them himself. It must be his nerves. If Riff was as nervous as Cain was….he would he be able to protect himself?

Although this was almost an irrational thought, it spurred Cain into movement and he urged forward, clearing the trees in a few minutes. The field spread out before him, a low mist hovering over the grass. The moonlight shone down through the clouds and illuminated a line of benches near the end of the oval. Cain gasped, not actually believing Mary had been right.

Riff.

He was sitting on one of the benches, holding his head in his hands with his elbows resting on his knees. It hurt Cain to see him that way, all for something that shouldn't be painful at all. Secret, maybe. Scandalous, definitely. But wrong? Of course not.

Keeping to the tree line, Cain edged his way towards the bench, managing to get behind it without Riff noticing. Cain watched him for a moment. He seemed t be shaking and his pale hair was ruffled although he had been running his hands through it carelessly. This contrasted with the suit he still wore and made it somehow all the more sorrowful. Cain suddenly heard a snatch of a memory, Riff's deep laughter at something he could no longer remember. It hurt more than he would have believed to think he would never hear that laugh again.

He took a step forward and laid his hand softly on his valet's shoulder. Riff jumped and fell onto the wet grass ungracefully, crying out ever so slightly. Cain cursed and vaulted over the bench, coming to land beside him.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice shaking more than he wanted it to. He reached out a hand towards Riff but he scooted away desperately.

"Why did you come looking for me?" He asked, his voice still level. Cain supposed it was extremely difficult to get Riff to act panicked.

"I guess it's too late to tell you I was just taking a walk." Cain smiled and was relieved when Riff managed a weak one back. The smile vanished completely when Cain reached out and took Riff's hand in his.

"You didn't let me speak before." He said quickly, gripping onto Riff's hand as though it was keeping him anchored to the earth. "You don't have to leave."

"Yes, I do." The certainty in his eyes was painful to see.

"No." Cain shuffled forward so that he was kneeling next to Riff who was propping himself up on his elbows. "The last thing you should be doing is leaving me."

Summoning up courage he didn't know he possessed, Cain moved forward with the intention of kissing Riff, and making it last, letting him know it wasn't wrong. He was shocked when Riff stood up and backed away.

"No. You don't have to do anything to make me stay. Nothing you can do will make me stay. I want you to stay innocent."

"Me? Innocent?"

"Yes." Riff smiled. "I could never love someone tainted by the world."

Cain just sat in the grass as Riff left, not quite running but too fast for regular walking. If he had said anything else, Cain would have chased him. As it was, he could do nothing but stare into the darkness and think.

Riff loved him. So why on earth was he still leaving? Did he think Cain was only kissing him as a ploy?

Cain sighed and slowly got to his feet at least ten minutes later. Now he not only had to find Riff, he had to convince him that his feelings were true…and convince him that his weren't evil. He walked back into the trees disconsolately, Riff's words echoing in his mind.

At that moment, he still thought he would find Riff, and soon. He still thought that Riff would believe him once he heard the words. And he still thought that neither of them would fall into a new realm of suffering.

As he walked, a snatch of a song he had once heard played through his head. The melancholy ntoes followed him home.

_I cannot leave your eyes_

_Or think that it's over_

_You shouldn't hold me back_

_Please understand what you did_

_And go away later_

_I swear I will hold on_


	3. Feeling the disortion grow

"Well Mister Raffit. Riff wasn't it? May I call you that?"

"Certainly."

"Well, Riff, I can see no reason why you shouldn't start working right away. Can you?"

"From now?"

"Yes."

"Certainly."

We're severely understaffed and need all the help we can get. From the test you completed I can see you're definitely qualified but since you're new, we'll start you on the disability ward. Would you care to follow me?"

"Of course."

Riff rose to his feet and followed the harried looking gentlemen out of the office and into a corridor that looked like hospital corridors anywhere; pale, sterile and vaguely chemical, reminding everyone that this was a place people often came to die. Riff found it vaguely amusing that the man, whom he remembered introducing himself as Graham-something, hadn't noticed that Riff was answering in single words. He didn't feel up to much else.

It had been depressingly simple to find a new job and somewhere to stay and even easier to explain what had happened to the woman whose address he had given Mary. She was one of the few people he would trust and he couldn't give Mary the address of some rundown hovel like the place he had found. It was surely better this way.

With every footstep he took, Riff felt a dull aching in his chest, one that hadn't gone away since the moment he had awoken. In his dreams, he had relived the moment that Cain had kissed him and somehow believed his sentiments were sincere. The aching in his chest was a yearning for that to be true, for that to even be possible. But why would someone who had the choice of almost any woman he pleased want Riff?

"Here we are." Possibly-Graham said, pushing open a heavy brown door and dispelling Riff's thoughts. "Since it's already the afternoon, you can spend the rest of today tending to Carol-Anne. You can find her in the room at the end. She needs dressing on her legs changed and just someone to talk to. She's a little crazy, you see."

Riff nodded, thanked Graham and slowly walked through the ward. It was long and lined with beds full of the elderly and infirm. They all watched him with dangerously impassive eyes as he passed. He pushed open the far door hesitantly, dreading to see a woman even worse than those outside. He was shocked when he was met by a pair of smiling brown eyes and a kind face under a short crop of bright blonde hair.

"Hello. You must be the new doctor." The woman said happily and reached out of the bed she was lying in to pat the chair beside here. "Come and sit. The clipboard type thing is next to you so you can see what's wrong with me."

He sat down warily, thrown off and intrigued by her youth and happiness. "Thank you." He said graciously, sitting down and perusing the doctor's notes. "I was told your name was Carol-Anne but here it says you're really called Caroline."

"Een. There's more than one way of saying it." She said promptly. "It's Carol-een, like Halloween but more attractive."

Riff laughed quietly to himself. "My apologies Miss Caroline."

"Accepted." She sat up further on her pillows and looked at him appraisingly. "And since you got my name wrong, I think I came all you whatever I like. I think Riffriff would suit you fine. You look so sombre and polite, something about you needs to be fun."

He frowned. "How did you know my name?" he mused.

"I heard Doctor Grainham say it." She answered quickly and Riff was so busy thinking about remembering it was Grainham, not Graham that he didn't realise there as no possible way she could have heard.

"You know what, Riffriff?" Caroline said slowly. "I think we're going to get on just fine. Now…tell me something about yourself."

* * *

"I'm sorry sir, I can't tell you that." 

"I've asked you to. Of course you can tell me."

"I don't have the authorisation to-"

"Then ask someone who does!"

Cain slammed his hand down onto the reception desk and glared at the young nurse behind it. The last hospital he had tried had been pretty much the same, as had the one before and he was reaching the end of his tether.

It had been a logical assumption that Riff would have started working at a hospital. After all, he had medical training and it was easy to get hired since nowhere had anything like enough staff. So, Cain had set out to ask each of the five main hospitals in the area if Riff had signed on, or come to ask for a vacancy. It was worth a shot. The possibility that Riff had gone further a field or had chosen a different profession…Cain would think about that as and when he had to.

The nurse glared at him coldly. "That kind of behaviour is not appropriate for a hospital, sir."

"Oh, really?" Cain smiled without a trace of humour. "I have a gun under this jacket, ma'am. If you don't tell me what I want to know or ask someone to tell you what I want to know, you're going to have to find out what inappropriate behaviour really is. Do you understand me?"

The nurse paled, nodded and scuttled away. A few moments later she returned, shaking her head.

"Sorry, no one applied here today and no one has seen someone matching the description you gave me. You'll have to try somewhere else."

Cain nodded and left without a word, slamming the doors open and scaring several passers by. Only two more hospitals left to check. If Riff wasn't there, he didn't know what he was going to do.

* * *

Night had fallen. Riff stood staring into the dusty mirror above the cracked basin and reflected over the day. Caroline was nice, the job was easy and he wasn't unhappy there because of what it was, he was unhappy because it wasn't Cain. If he carried on feeling this way and never returned to Cain, Riff felt that one night his dreams would kill him. Unless he got there first. 

He fingered the straight razor delicately and then ran a thumb along the scars on his wrists. He knew how to do it. And if he couldn't see Cain again then surely this would be easier than living the rest of his life in misery?

Riff wondered if Cain was feeling the same way back at the estate. He hoped not. The thought of Cain hurting that way hurt him more than anything. His mind showed him an image of Cain's face as he read in the papers that Riff's body had been found…what would he do then?

Suddenly, Riff hurled the blade across the room. No. This wasn't the way, not at all. He would keep working at the hospital, keep persuading himself to relinquish the feelings for his master or at least learn how to live with them hidden. Until then…

Riff prayed that Cain was happy and that he was looking after Mary well enough. If he had known he had been the cause of any distress in his master, Riff would have gone back in an instant.

* * *

**Huge hugs and love to the people who reviewed and favourited etc. You know who you are! If you arent one of those people and are reading this, please drop y and say hi? I'd love to hear from you.**

**Sorryll x**


	4. My Mescaline

**Endless love to the 6 of you who left me ntoes last chapter. Thank you very very much. This goes out to you! I have a new found love of Jizabel. Thought you'd want to know

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**

He had left a note.

One sheet of paper barely half covered and that was all. Mary glared at it as if the paper was what had caused her brothers distress. If only things had been that easy.

Cain hadn't returned home until late the night before. He had briefly checked in on Mary and she had pretended to be asleep, so as not to worry him. He had left before she had woken up, saying he was off to try all of the medium sized hospitals he could find. Mary threw the paper to the floor and folded her arms. She hated this. She was used to Cain acting strangely but this was starting to scare her.

She pulled out the scrap of paper with the address that Riff had given her and regarded it thoughtfully. She could go there now and…but no. If Riff was an unstable as Cain, it would only make the situation worse. She had to respect his wishes to be left alone. Unless she had no other option, the address must remain a secret.

Mary uncrossed her arms and sat down on the stairs sadly, not knowing what to do. She tried to work out why Riff had left in the first place but couldn't think of a thing. There were only two things Mary could think of that were strong enough to make Riff leave; love or hate. She was certain he didn't have a paramour somewhere; it just wasn't like Riff to keep a secret like that. She was also sure he didn't hate Cain, r vice versa. So why had all of this happened?

"Oh, Riff." She murmured. "What was it that you did?"

* * *

_Why did you do this to us?_

The one sentence echoed angrily in Cain's mind as he stormed around London. He just couldn't understand it. Well, he could but he didn't want to. He didn't want to believe that Riff was so scared of his own feelings that he would forcibly give them up.

It was barely midday and Cain had nowhere left to check. He had asked every place he could think of with no success. He didn't want to admit it, but he was starting to lose hope. A tear pricked at the corner of his eyes.

_I always know where to find you_. Riff's voice echoed in his head.

"You might know where to find me," Cain whispered to himself. "But I have no idea how to find you."

"I know what you're looking for."

Cain turned sharply to see a short, unkempt man watching him. His arms were crossed and he was sneering with the kind of arrogance that only comes from extreme power or extreme stupidity. Cain frowned and took a step towards the man.

"How do you know I'm looking for anything?" he shot back. The man laughed.

"You've been flapping around London all day, boy. You gotta be looking or _something._ And there's only one thing you could be looking for, and I have it. You want to come with me?"

A thousand possibilities suddenly whirled through Cain's mind. The man could just be really stupid and would take him to a brothel or something similar. Or…and the thought made Cain wince…he could be an agent from Delilah. They liked to play with appearances. What if Riff had been taken? What would they do to him if they had him?

Once the possibility was in Cain's mind, he could think of no other and lost all sense of reason.

"Yes." He said slowly. "Show me."

* * *

"You're right." Riff said, closing the door behind him. "They _do_ think you're crazy."

Caroline laughed. "You only just noticed? They don't like you because you like me. Grainham doesn't like me."

"But why not?" Riff asked, standing at the end of the bed and making a few notes on the clipboard. His job wasn't taxing at all; he could almost do it in his sleep. "You're a pleasant young woman. I can't see why…"

"Have you seen the hair?" She asked and then grinned. "That's one of the reasons they hate me. They disapprove of a young lady of society having short hair and wearing men's clothes. I tell you, Riffriff, there'll be a day when everyone wears trousers, mark my words."

Riff laughed. "I suppose."

"Now, help me into the chair, if you'd be so kind." Caroline swung her useless legs around and down to the floor. Riff picked her up easily, as she was very light and deposited her in the chair. She lay back against it happily and smiled.

"First time sitting up in weeks." She said gently.

"If you don't mind me asking," Riff said into the silence that followed. "Why exactly are you paralysed? It doesn't say in the records…"

"Pah!" Caroline opened her eyes angrily. "It wouldn't say because no one wants to say it. I was pushed off a balcony by my servants. Damn lucky I didn't break my neck, too."

Riff gasped in shock. "But why on earth would anyone want to kill you?"

"The same reason that they hate me. Not the hair, I mean the other one."

"Which other one?"

Before Riff could move, Caroline had reached out and touched his hand gently. He felt a slight tingle pass along his arm and opened his mouth to speak but could find no words.

"They hate me because I know about things." Caroline whispered.

"About what?" Riff asked, confused and a little scared.

Caroline's eyes snapped open and they were filled with sorrow for the first time since Riff had met her.

"Oh, my poor Riffriff." She murmured. "I know about Cain."

* * *

Cain felt like a prize fool.

He hadn't been led into a brothel but had in fact been led into an opium den. The man that had originally accosted him grinned happily and took station on a moth-eaten sofa, leaving Cain standing in the middle of the basement. The air was thick and sweet with the fumes and Cain could hardly breathe.

Men were lounging around everywhere, eyes shut or laughing like children. It became clear that Cain was the only one in the room not to be intoxicated. So as to avoid thinking about his ridiculous mistake, Cain thought about the drug addicts. Why would they do this? What drove someone to give up hours of their lives to some fantasy?

_Why would you need a drug if you had someone to love you?_

Suddenly, Cain became angry. Before he knew what he was doing, he had overturned a table and kicked over another. He then stood in the middle of the room and turned to the addicts, who had huddled in one corner together, either scared or amused by his behaviour, depending on how the opium took them.

"Why are you doing this to yourselves?" He yelled. It never occurred to him that he should have been frightened.

* * *

**New chapter up soon! This is half what I had planned so it really will be soon. If you want to read something else right now, check out my new Riff fic called Shadow and Starshine. Its cuter than this one XD**


	5. Sing this corrosion

**Another chapter so soon in celebration of me finally ordering the series off the internet! I have been borrowing up until now but at two pound a book, why not?**

**Thanks for all the ideas you have given me I am keeping this plot the same but..it was only going to be 7 chapters but I might add another plot twist and extend it. That or a sequel. What do you think? Anyway, back to the opium den…**

**_Oh and just a note. I forget you dont know me on here so arent used to the way I write...remember, I'm english please? So spelling may be odd to you who are american. Also I often type so fast I miss keys...that is all x _**

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* * *

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"Why are you doing this to yourselves?" Cain yelled and glared at the addicts clustering at the end of the room. "Why would you _choose_ to sit here wasting your lives in some _fantasy_ world when you could be out with the people you love? The people that love you?" he stopped and his hands balled into fists. "You don't know what you've got until you've lost it." He whispered and turned to leave

For a moment, it looked as though everything was going to be okay, that Cain would leave unharmed and the addicts would probably put his speech down to a bad trip. Just as he reached the door, Cain felt a hand land heavily on his shoulder. He spun around to come face to face with a tall man, almost taller than Riff. He was heavyset and unshaven and worse, didn't show any sign of being intoxicated. Behind him stood two other men who were basically shorter versions of their leaders.

"Got a problem,_ sir?"_ the man asked. His voice was low and threatening. "You sound like an aristocrat. Only disowned nobles come here, and you look fine to me. What right do you have to come in here and insult my customers?"

"More morals than you." He shot back and stared unflinching into the manager's eyes. "You don't scare me."

"I don't care." The man sneered. "You being scared or not doesn't effect how easily I could put a whole in your head." He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "Get out if you don't want to pay."

Cain gave a short bark of laughter. "You know, they always say it's the aristocracy that are obsessed with money, but right now I couldn't care less. Right now, the only thing I can think about is-"

"A girlfriend?" The man laughed. "We don't-"

He stopped speaking when the barrel of Cain's gun was shoved into his chest.

"One more word." He whispered. "One more, and you'll pay for that."

Around the room, the addicts began to creep slowly forward. Not because they cared about the manager, of course they didn't but because if he died they might never be able to get their next fix.

"You're wrong, my boy." The man smiled as several addicts closed in on Cain and pressed various implements against him. "You're going to pay for this rude behaviour."

"Oh, I am, am I?" Cain said and then spun put of the reach of all of them. He then turned and kicked over one of the opium loaded tables. "Then I might as well pay for this!" He said with almost manic happiness. "And this perhaps?" He grabbed a knife off of one of the addicts and ripped into a sofa. "And maybe-"

"Enough!" One of the manager's minions rushed forward with the intention of stopping Cain but was rewarded by a bullet to the leg. He fell to the floor with a shriek.

The circle of addicts stopped creeping forward ad froze, the few of them that still had some sense scuttled away.

"Will I pay for that, too?" Cain asked, holding the gun pointed downwards. It was striking him that this was senseless and stupid, even for him. He had lost his grasp on sense.

"Damn right you will." The manager hissed, sneer finally gone. "Twice over."

"Right." Cain turned his back on the mess and walked out, trying not to think about what he had just done. He tried to assure himself that nothing would come of this but had the horrible sneak feeling that he had placed himself in danger, and Mary too.

Putting the thought to the back of his mind, he went back to searching the streets for more hospitals.

* * *

"_What?" _Riff asked incredulously. His mind was a whirl of panic. Had he said something? Did Grainham know? _How could she possibly know?_

"Don't be scared." Caroline said gently, squeezing his hand. "Please. I'm not going to betray you to anyone. I just…my darling, how have you been so strong?"

Riff shook his head, not wanting to think about it. "Caroline, how do you know? And what do you know exactly?"

"I can…well, I can't read minds." She said simply. "Not in the way you would think of it. I can just see what a person is thinking at the moment I try, and I get all the feelings and words linked to it."

"What did you see?" Riff whispered, afraid of the answer.

"When I leant towards you, you thought about how it was similar to when you kissed him." She said quietly, not out of awkwardness but because she didn't want anyone to hear. "All I could see was you're reflection in his eyes as you pulled away from him, and that you felt you're life was over."

Riff flinched a little. "It is." He sighed. "He might not hate me, but he can't be happy with me. How can I possibly protect him the way I should when I want him so much?"

Caroline shook her head. "Riffriff, you just don't understand at all. That, I can tell. I can't tell you how you feel, at least not yet. Your mind is like a tangled web. But what I _can_ tell you is that you read him all wrong."

"What do you mean?" Riff asked, barely daring to breathe.

"He wasn't angry. Someone's eyes will always betray them. All I could see in his eyes was love."

Riff was silent for a few moments and was grateful that Caroline never mentioned the fact that he was crying. He pictured her as a tiny golden sparrow, landing on his shoulder and watching everything he did, or at least at that moment. She was right, he didn't understand how he felt and so wasn't even ready to assume how Cain felt. What he needed now was…

"I can help you, you know." Caroline said gently. Her dark eyes were shining. "Riffriff, I'm being discharged tomorrow. I'm going home, at last. I know this is below your talent and that you would rather be back with your master, but I have no servants now. I think it would be good for us both if you came to stay with me for a while."

Riff smiled. "I was thinking something along the same lines. But…Caroline, what I did is important. Whether I understand it or not, it could end up with me being killed, and Cain too."

"I'd never betray you." She said slowly. "I've been betrayed by everyone in my life. I could never do that to someone with as kind a heart as you. And besides, Riffirff, love is love, no matter who it is bestowed upon."

Riff frowned. "You really think so?"

"Yes. Even if you don't."

Riff flinched and looked at the floor. She was right. In a way, he wasn't allowing himself to believe it was love. Lust was something caused by demons that could be stamped out. Love…was something else entirely. But suddenly all he wanted was to hear Cain say that he loved him. That longing was enough to make him want to at least try to understand what was going on in his head.

"I think I might come to stay with you." He said and smiled. "If it's alright."

Caroline grinned and released his hand at last. "There's nothing I'd want more. I can't have happiness now, not through love. I want to make sure that you don't end up the same way."

"Tomorrow then." Riff said slowly. He kept something inside his head; tomorrow he would be putting himself into a position incredibly hard to trace. Half of him thought this was an excellent idea. The other half was screaming at him to go back to the Hargreaves estate.

He listened to the first half and tried to get on with his work without thinking of himself as a traitor.

* * *

"Big brother?"

Mary took the stuffed animal from Cain hesitantly, not liking the blank look in his eyes. It was well past her bedtime, but the maids had let her stay up with them until Cain returned home. She had been allowed to bake biscuits and was now covered in flour. Cain didn't say a word about any of this misbehaviour.

"What happened today?" She asked, tugging at his sleeve with one small hand.

"Nothing." He replied blankly. "I didn't find anything. I didn't see anything. We're getting nowhere."

Mary frowned. "Are you okay, brother?"

Cain shrugged and practically threw himself onto a couch. Mary jumped up beside him. "I'm alright." He said at length. "I just wish...I wish I knew that he was okay."

"You don't think someone's hurt Riff, do you?" Mary asked, suddenly scared. Cain instantly shook his head.

"Of course not, Mary. I just don't know where he is. It' frustrating."

Mary nodded and then smiled. "Oh! I had a thought while you were out today. If Riff isn't in one of the main hospitals, or the smaller ones, he must be in a specialised one, right?"

"Yes." Cain replied. "But I don't know where any are and couldn't find them."

"Well, I got the servants to help me and my tutor too. We drew up a list of the four specialist hospitals near here. What do you think?"

Mary handed Cain a sheet of paper and he suddenly came to life. Now he had an idea of what to do, he felt more motivated.

"A children's hospital? I doubt Riff would work there, it would upset even him. Old people too, he's so strangely sentimental like that. But…these two. The Catholic hospital and its sister for disabilities…maybe one of those."

Cain made as though to get up so Mary grabbed onto his arm, sending the toy tumbling to the floor. "Not tonight. You need to sleep."

"I suppose." Cain gave in and sat back down. "I'll go tomorrow. Thank you Mary, you're wonderful."

He kissed her lightly on the forehead and shortly after, fell asleep where he sat. Instead of waking him, Mary curled up herself and gathered up the toy from the floor. She buried her face in the fur and shut her eyes, praying that her brother would find Riff tomorrow.

She had questioned her tutor earlier, since she had been told Riff was ill and no harm could come of it. The woman had told Mary that a man would break a promise for two reasons only; personal gain, or matters of the heart which he would claim were matters of the ego. Mary knew Riff would never betray her brother for personal gain and what had he to gain by leaving? But matters of the heart? What had that got to do with Cain?

After a lot of circular thoughts, she fell into an uneasy sleep. Elsewhere in the city, Riff was just closing his eyes and his dreams were full of sorrow.

* * *

**Please drop me a line my darlings. It makes this so worth while. xxx**


	6. You burn my soul down

**Hello all! I love you all! I really do! I am astounded at the response to this so far and so have decided to extend the series…either under this name or as a sequel. But that will begin after chapter seven **

**As my dearest Emily said in a review, '**CAIN NEEDS LOVE! HOT SWEATY STEAMY MAN LOVE! With Riff'. **I won't deny this but…it isn't happening here. At least, not yet. Long chapter with…sufficient angst methinks. **

**Please drop me a line my darlings, it makes my days complete.**

**_Love, Sorryll – a wayward Victorian girl_ xx**

* * *

"Ready to go?"

Riff turned away from where he had been gazing out of the window to see Caroline sitting primly in the chair, hands clasped in her lap. The setting sun reflected glden in hr hair. He smiled weakly and inclined his head slightly; he was ready all right. It was strange; Riff felt sad that he would be laving now despite the fact he was coming back later to pick up Caroline's meagre possessions. Maybe it was because without her, the room seemed dull and lifeless, just another tomb for the unwanted. He quickly turned away from the window and walked over to her.

"Cheer up, Riffriff," she said gently, raising a hand to hold his lightly. "I know coming with me means that Cain will not be able to find you, but it also means that I can help you more quickly. You want to understand how you feel, right?"

"Yes." Riff replied simply. "It just feels as though I'm betraying him. Although I've really done that already, haven't I?"

Caroline shook her head. "Don't be silly, Riffriff. Now, shall we go? The cab is waiting."

Riff nodded again and picked her up easily. Her dress caused some awkwardness, mainly due to her constant shifting to 'get it right'.

"I hate these damn things." She muttered, tugging at the yellow fabric until she was satisfied. "If I was wearing trousers, I wouldn't have to worry about modesty. Try and fit in with society and suddenly the whole world can see your garters."

Riff laughed and shook his head. "_Now_ who's being silly? Anyway, this is better for you Caroline. Once we arrive at your house, you can wear whatever you like. It's just safer to-"

"I know, I know." She snapped and prodded him until he carried her out of the door. "I just dislike them intensely is all."

They lapsed into silence as they passed through the main ward, where all of the patients were staring at them. None of them liked Caroline and they were starting to fear Riff too. This silence lasted until they were halfway down the stairs leading to the hospital foyer. Here, Caroline gave a sudden gasp and gripped the front of Riff's shirt tightly.

"Caroline?" He asked, frowning down at her. She shuddered and then went limp,

a single tear falling from her eye. "Caroline, what's wrong?"

"You were worrying about whether we would fall or not." She whispered, her eyes still shut. "And it reminded you of when you fell off of the park bench a few nights ago. Cain found you and…and…"

"Go on." Riff whispered, wondering why on earth she was crying.

"Even though you were worried and scared and still are, you couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful he was in the moonlight. I don't know what he would look like to me but through your eyes he's an angel. He told you that the last thing you should be doing was leaving him and his voice…his voice was heartbreaking. Yet you thought he was lying." She opened her eyes. "You still think he was lying, don't you?"

"He could never have meant what…what I would like it to." Riff murmured.

"Why ever not? Because it's dangerous? Because you're his servant? Why?" Caroline looked angry now. "What I saw through your eyes just now was the most beautifully romantic event that thousands of people dream of…and you wouldn't believe it. What will you do if the chance never arises again?"

Riff just stared down at her and sighed. He then shook his head. He really didn't know what to think anymore but what she had just said…if Cain had really been telling the truth…it was something he shouldn't be thinking about halfway down a flight of stairs. He resumed his walking silently and deposited Caroline in the waiting cab before climbing in himself; he could figure this all out later. It wasn't as though a few hours would make any difference.

* * *

Cain climbed the steps of the hospital in the orange light and pushed open the doors. He was not happy to see a young nurse at the desk; in the last hospital, the Catholic one, he had found himself unable to get any information out of the nurse there until he flirted with her. It had been a frustrating and exasperating experience only to be made worse when he found out that Riff had never been there before. Now, in the hospital for disability he didn't want to be faced with the same situation.

"Good afternoon sir," the nurse said cheerfully as he approached. "Or should that be afternoon? The day is wearing on isn't it?"

"Tell me about it," Cain muttered to himself and then plastered on his most charming smile. "I wonder if you can help me?"

"Certainly sir, what would you like help with?" There was just a hint of a smirk around hr lips and Cain silently groaned. It wasn't that he was unhappy with his looks, it was just that once in a while he would like to be taken seriously.

"I'm here to enquire after a friend of mine who may be working here. You see, I heard he recently moved to this area and after so many years I would thoroughly enjoy seeing him again." Cain smiled again, feeling proud of his story. "You see, he was a friend of my fathers and I saw him a lot as I was growing up." That, at least, was true.

"Oh, of course!" The nurse laughed. "It would be wonderful if you found him here, wouldn't it? What is his name?"

"Raffit. Riffael Raffit."

The nurse spent a few moments scanning papers and then shrugged. "His name isn't written down here but that doesn't mean a lot. Doctor Grainham is a wonderful man but not particularly good with paperwork. If you could describe him to me, I might know who he is?"

Cain nodded. "Thank you. He's tall…very tall actually and has pale silver hair. He-"

"Oh!" he nurse clapped hr hands. "He started recently, yes? A quiet man but very kind and polite. A little unusual but…striking. All the nurses have been talking about him. His name is Riffael you say?"

"Yes, yes it is." Cain tried a pleading smile on for size. "If you could just tell me where he is?"

"He should be in ward 3, upstairs. Just follow the signs!" The girl pointed down a corridor and Cain inclined his head in thanks before walking calmly in that direction, trying to ignore the frantic beating of his heart.

In no time at all he had reached the ward and swung the door open to see…nothing but rows upon rows of silent patients. He walked down the aisle silently, aware of the eyes on him. Eventually, he called out.

"Riff? Are you here?"

"If you mean the new doctor," a patient said to Cain's right, "then you're too late."

Cain turned to look into the eyes of a pale old man, his face wrinkled and grey. He was smiling in a nasty way. "What do you mean, too late?"

"He left only a little while ago. Left with that blasted woman. Good riddance to her! Shame that a nice fellow like Doctor Raffit ended up in the clutches of a witch like her."

Before Cain could even process this information, let alone reply, another man entered the ward and scowled at the old man.

"Now now, Terrence," he scolded. "Don't speak ill of those worse off than yourself." He turned to Cain. "Sorry about that, sir. The names Grainham and I run this place. Ignore Terrence here, Riffael was not eloping with Miss Carol-Anne or anything of the sort. He is just going to help her from now on, what with her being disabled and all-

"You mean, he's left?" Cain asked, fighting the urge to yell. "Permanently?"

"Handed in his notice this morning." Grainham shook his head. "Shame, shame. He was a good doctor, young fellow. Why were you looking for him?"

"I just…needed to see him for a while." Cain said hopelessly. "I needed to tell him something…something important."

Grainham smiled at him kindly and pointed towards a small door at the end of the ward. "That was where Carol-Anne was staying. Perhaps he left a contact there. Take as long as you want. I hope you find him soon, sir. Please excuse me, I have work to attend to."

Grainham left the room and Cain quickly entered the little room at the end, as much to avoid the gazes of the patients as in hope of finding something. As he had expected, the room was empty. He sat on the bed and dropped his head into his hands.

So, Riff had left with a woman? Was he trying to prove something to himself or was he just doing it out of his kind heart? A disabled woman who was hated by the other patients… Cain could see Riff helping someone like that. But where would he look now? The situation was hopeless. Unless Riff came back of his own accord, Cain had no idea of how to find him.

Slowly, Cain pulled a folded scrap of paper out of his pocket. It was a letter. He had written in case he had found where Riff was working but had been unable to talk to him face to face. Reading it brought tears to his eyes so he screwed it up and flung it into the corner of the room. It was useless now. Just how Cain felt himself to be.

He silently left the hospital and took the fist turn he could see. He couldn't go home, not yet. He needed to work out what to say to Mary.

As he wandered the streets without really seeing them, night began to fall.

* * *

It was dark by the time Riff arrived back at the hospital. Caroline had insisted upon showing him around her home; it was a beautiful home without doubt and Riff had enjoyed her idle chattering but he secretly believed she only kept him so that she could learn something else. He had been careful not to touch her. He needed some time alone before she saw anything else.

Now, however it seemed he would be too busy to work anything out. He had gathered up Caroline's possessions and his own, left reports on each patient for his replacement and said his goodbyes to all of the blushing nurses. Now, he was scanning the room for anything he may have forgotten.

A piece of crumpled up paper was lying in the corner. Riff bent and picked it up, seeing enough to know that it was a handwritten note. He was wary of opening it; what if it was Caroline's? He didn't want to intrude…after a few moments of debate, he decided to see if it was for her or not. If it was, he could take it back with him. If it wasn't, he could discard it now.

He gasped as he unfolded it, and then read in silence several times through. The beating of his heart sounded as loud as gunfire. He could barely believe what he was reading….the note was from Cain. Cain had been here.

_Riff,_

_Words cannot express how angry I am that you wouldn't let me finish what I was trying to say to you and that when I finally did, you denied it entirely. If you do truly…love me…then surely you can trust what I say?_

_Come back to the estate. Please. I will beg you if I have to. Every moment you are gone is like a bullet to the heart. Whether you believe it or not, I love you and if I cannot say this to your face soon I may go insane. I can't say it any clearer than that._

_If you read this and ignore it then I _will_ find you somewhere else. I will not stop searching. Not until you are so close to me that I can see myself reflected in your eyes. I think it is the only place I am meant to be._

_Cain._

Riff felt a wrenching in his chest. The note was beautiful. Cain wouldn't waste words like that, he wasn't the sort. But the note had been screwed up in the corner, which meant…what? Cain didn't want him to see it? Someone else had seen it and become angry? _What?_

Riff could think of nothing to do but pocket the note and leave anyway. Cain wasn't here anymore, that was for certain. The night had swallowed him.

* * *

As Riff left the hospital, he imagined Cain waiting at the mansion for him with Mary, worried yet safe. He thought that time wouldn't hurt, at least not for one night.

The reality was very different.

Cain rounded the corner of a dark alleyway, mind still somewhere else. This is why he didn't see the men waiting for him, or the club swinging towards him. After that, he didn't see anything at all.

"We told you that we'd make you pay, rich boy." A deep voice murmured. "Count this as your first instalment."

* * *

**More soon, my lovelies**


	7. Unconciousness will be your friend

**First off….I am so **_**so**_** sorry for taking so long to update! First I had writers block…then I had a Saiyuki obsession and wrote stories for my baby pairing…then I had block again. But I forced this out. It **_**needs**_** updating.**

**Huge love to everyone who reviewed, I seriously adore all of you. Extra love to ****takai-megami-chan ****for making me giggle – I'm using the part you mentioned in here to some degree so thanks! - and ****lyless and lockesilver****for all the C2 stuffage. XD**

**Oh and about the Tarot cards mentioned here…no bitchy comments about meaning you may have learnt from Godchild or wherever, I actually read Tarot so I know what I'm saying, okay?**

**Off we go…**

* * *

Darkness. All he could see was darkness. It surrounded him, pulled at him, reached inside of him and filled his lungs, his eyes, his mind, _everything._ It was like sleep but heavier and he knew the feeling only too well. Every now and again the darkness would fade into shades of grey, a dark wall, a figure approaching. Then there would be more pain and sneering voices.

He could see them if he chose to. He could wake up and face them but what was the use? If he was going to die here anyway, best to spend the final moments thinking about what mattered most. Like family. Like love. Certainly not like the blood running down his arms or the hair in his eyes.

* * *

Sunlight filled the large room but no warmth seemed to touch Mary as she crouched on the floor. Before her lay a scattered pack of Tarot cards which she had thrown around in a fit of rage after what they had shown her.

She had decided to draw a card at random to see what was happening to Cain. He hadn't come home that night and still wasn't back now. She was worried and she was lonely; the servants were too busy to stay with her and although his company wasn't perfect, even Oscar would have been appreciated had he been there. In absence of company, she had turned to the cards and hated what she saw.

First of all she had drawn the Hierophant, reversed. This meant stifled feelings or a crisis of self belief leading to disorderly conduct. She had thrown this aside and gone for another one. Then she had drawn the Moon, also showing confusion and discontent. Finally, she had drawn Death and although it may only symbolise change she had given up entirely.

Something was wrong with Cain, she knew it. What was she going to do? What could she do? There was only one thing she could think of…the paper hidden in her room. Did this constitute as important enough to bother Riff with?

Mary realised this was a ridiculous question. Cain's safety was everything to Riff and Mary knew that. Without further ado, she grabbed the address she had hidden in her room, tied a bonnet onto her head and left the house purposefully.

* * *

"Riffriff, sit _down_ before I _tie_ you down, do you hear me?"

Riff turned and sat back in the chair he had vacated. Caroline sat in her wheelchair beside it glaring at him. This was the third time he had tried to escape in as many minutes.

"Honestly," she sighed, "I don't know what's wrong with you. You agreed to come here so that I could help you so why are you trying to avoid this?"

Riff shook his head and smiled a little weakly at her, not having an answer. She sighed and theatrically adjusted the sleeves of her shirt. Riff suspected this was because she enjoyed wearing it so much. The shirt was of a mans cut but with billowing sleeves, all dyed a bright yellow. The cuffs and collar were orange and decorated with tiny flowers. Under this, she wore black trousers and riding boots; Caroline at home was certainly an interesting sight.

"Now…"she said at last. "Are we ready to try again?"

Riff nodded. "I suppose so. Unless there's some other chore that I have to-"

"Not another word!" Caroline raised a finger in warning. "There's no one but us here, we've eaten and the place is as clean as a king's plate. _Are we ready?_"

Riff nodded. "Yes. Sorry. It's just…this is all rather…"

"Embarrassing? Deal with it."

Riff almost gasped at her blunt reply but then smiled. Somehow, her forthrightness was soothing. She wouldn't judge him on anything she saw and this would ultimately be for the good. He could return to the estate as soon as he worked this out and if he never started he might never return.

"Okay, you win," he smiled. "What do I do?"

Caroline took his hand gently in her own. "Just think about him. An event, anything. What's the first thing that comes to mind. You don't have to speak. I can do that for you."

Riff just let his mind wander and eventually it settled on one night a while ago, while Riff had been tidying Cain's clothes away. The moment had been completely innocent, despite the fact that Cain was completely undressed. That was, until he had turned and said it. _You're the only one that can touch my scars, Riff_. Why had he felt the need to say that? Glancing so carelessly over his bare shoulder with those golden eyes…Riff had had to excuse himself soon after that and sit alone for a long time forcing the impure thoughts out of his mind. Something in Cain's voice had been different but Riff couldn't recognise it. It might have been nothing, t might have been-

"He wasn't mocking you," Caroline said, her eyes shut. "I can hear him. I know. You started thinking about….you started thinking that way not because you're disgusting or any of these words you've got flitting around. You thought those things because that is exactly what _he_ was thinking too. I'm a city girl; I know lust when I see it. How could you miss it so completely?"

Riff opened his mouth to speak and didn't have an answer. Inexorably, his mind drifted to the night of that incident. He had awoken after a disturbing dream he could no longer remember and found himself watching his straight razor carefully. The thoughts that had crossed his mind had been so impure that part of him wanted punishment…

"But you didn't do it. Thank God. You knew Cain would be upset if he found out, and you were never good at keeping secrets from him." Caroline opened her eyes. "My God Riffriff, you've loved him for so long and he's felt the same way…why have neither of you said anything?"

"I was hoping you could tell me," Riff replied simply. He was slightly shell-shocked at the revelation of Cain's feelings. He had told Caroline about the letter but this was something else. "Shall we stop now? I need to think about something else for a while."

"I was thinking the same thing." Caroline said, still holding his hand. "But why haven't you stopped thinking about him?"

Riff frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Right now. I can see a dark room…people…I can feel-" Suddenly, she gasped and bit her lip. "Pain. Something's cutting…what's going on, Riff? Stop it!"

* * *

Mary virtually bounced up to the large door and knocked. She had visited the address that Riff had given her, to find a young woman living alone. This woman had told her where Riff was now staying and Mary was worried about Cain even more. Riff had been at one of the places Cain was meant to visit the day before, so why weren't they together and back at home?

This house was a large town house with a bright yellow door surrounded by flowers. Mary liked it already but was still worried. She tapped her foot impatiently while she waited for someone to open the door. What was taking them so long?

The door swung inwards so suddenly it made her jump. She gasped; she had been expecting some servant to open the door and so had been preparing a speech but now it was _Riff_ that was standing before her.

He looked different. He was tenser and there were fine lines around his eyes meaning he hadn't been sleeping well. At this moment, he was frowning but the frown was swiftly being replaced by a look of surprise upon seeing Mary.

"Miss Mary? Why are you-"

"You need to come home, Riff!" she cried. "Cain's gone missing and I think something awful is happening to him!"

Riff remembered Caroline's words: _Pain…something's cutting…_

He paled.

"We need to go and find him." Mary said urgently, running towards Riff and hugging his legs tightly. "I'm so scared! It doesn't matter what he said to you or whatever. I tried to work it out but I can't. But whatever it is, surely you can't ignore him now?"

Riff shook his head. "No. I'm sorry for leaving and making this happen, Mary."

"How do we find him?" She asked,

Riff nodded slightly. "I think I have a way…"

* * *

Back in the other room, Caroline was shaking from the last thing she had seen. She had seen a man, a large filthy man bending down in front of her and she had ehard the whispered words.

_Unconsciousness will be your friend._

* * *

**Tada, and so it ends. Only one chappy after this and then maybe a sequel…depends. Tell me what you want!**


	8. A Long Yearning

**This is the final chapter**

**This is the final chapter. insert dramatic music. so there'll be lots of thank you's and things at the end! I made this extra long for you all and – good news – there's going to be a sequel. Soon. It will be posted under a different name so..I'll message anyone who reviews this last chappy or who has it on their alert list. Onwards with the drama! Oh and to everyone who wanted mansmex, you will have to wait for the sequel. It wouldn't be right here…youll see what I mean…**

* * *

"Unconsciousness will be your friend," the man sneered and walked back to his post at the door.

Cain forced his eyes open which was more difficult than it should have been due to the dried blood holding them shut. He hurt. Everywhere. He could barely concentrate on anything and was living in a kind of hallucination.

It couldn't have been more then twelve hours since he had been brought to the cellar but it felt like years. Years and years of different people coming in with assorted weapons and leaving their mark, while the leader looked on, smiling. All of this for opium. It made Cain sick.

As far as he could work out, his arms and chest were covered in cuts and bruises, his shirt ripped open and hanging loose at the front. His face was cut a little and he had a deep wound on his head from the club which had constantly bled into his face as they picked the clots open. Hell. Living hell. And yet…not so unusual. Cain was reminded of when his father used to draw his blood every night until the days all bled into one….until Riff had saved him.

Cain shut his eyes again as someone else entered the room and advanced towards him. A knife this time? As the blade bit into his exposed flesh, Cain could only think about one thing.

Would Riff be there to save him now?

* * *

Mary scurried after Riff as he led her into the house. She rounded the corner to see a woman sitting in a wheelchair with her eyes shut and couldn't help but stare. She was…different. Mary settled for the word 'different' because she didn't want to sound rude. Unusual definitely.

"Caroline…" Riff said gently, laying a hand on her arm. Mary took a few hesitant steps forward. "Miss Caroline…"

"_Not_ 'Miss'" The woman answered. "I thought we'd been over this Riffriff? We're friends so no honorifics for me , please."

Riff smiled. "Okay. I was worried since you weren't answering and after what just happened, I-"

"Maybe this isn't the time," Caroline said pointedly, opening her eyes and looking at Mary. "Welcome to my house, sweetheart."

"Oh, of course," Riff said awkwardly, "This is-"

"Mary Weather," Caroline answered for him. Mary gaped. "Cain's little sister, yes?"

"How on earth do you know that?" Mary asked indignantly, forgetting proper manners for a moment. "No ones told you, have they? Are you-"

"Calm down my love." Caroline smiled and patted the chair beside her. After a moments hesitation, Mary moved to sit there. "I'm what you would call psychic. Although normally I can't find out anything unless I touch someone…you are quite the projector."

Mary beamed, deciding she liked Caroline already. "Thank you, ma'am. I would love to talk to you some more but Riff and I need to-"

"We don't need to leave here," Riff said quickly. "I think Caroline can help us find your brother." He turned and shot a glance at the woman, he paled slightly. "I know it will be hard but just now, you weren't picking up on my thoughts. You were picking up on something else…it might have been him."

"It might have," Caroline conceded after a while. "You two share such a strong bond it might be possible. We could try again, I suppose. Pain is no stranger for me." She smiled gently at Mary's worried expression. "Don't worry, Little Miss Mary, there's no danger for you or Riff, and no physical danger for me. And so…would you help us, child?"

Mary looked at the floor, then at Riff then at Caroline. She bit her lip and appeared to reach an important decision. "I'll help." She said quietly. "What do I have to do?"

* * *

Cain coughed deeply and grimaced as the taste of blood filled his mouth. The man with the knife had left, but the door hadn't stayed shut long and soon the owner of the den had come in, wielding nothing at all except brute force.

He stepped away from Cain and rubbed some life back into his fist. "Think you've paid off your debt yet, rich boy? Hm? Do you?"

Cain scowled and remained silent. He had been able to vanish into a dream world for the others but this man made him so angry he couldn't breathe. If he answered angrily, the man would think he had won so Cain used the only weapon he had left; silence.

"Your girlfriend not coming to rescue you, eh?" He spat at the floor and laughed. "I wonder if _she's_ seen the scars on your back, boy. They'd put her off surely. Something disgusting like that. What _did_ you do to get those? Huh?"

Cain remained silent and shut his eyes. He heard movement and felt the man drawing closer to him, reaching out to touch his back.

"_No_."

* * *

Caroline was sitting in her chair, with Riff and Mary either side holding her hands. Her eyes were shut and the others were looking at the floor in unease; what Caroline had been describing had sounded awful.

"He's speaking again," Caroline said. "He's saying that…well, he said 'only he can touch my scars'." She opened one eye and glanced at Riff who was shaking with rage. "I assume he means you, Riffriff?"

Riff nodded slowly. "I'll kill them." He murmured. "They won't get away with this."

"Hush." Caroline shut her eyes again and winced. "He's being beaten now and…no, they've stopped. Other people are coming into the room…"

* * *

Cain glanced at the men entering the room and sighed. More cronies. He could maybe wriggle away from one but not five. He turned his gaze towards the open doorway for the first time and was shocked to see daylight. Through the door he glimpsed the Tower of Westminster, at the top of a hill and realised that the basement he was in must be on the banks of the Thames. That would explain the mildew. Somehow, the thought that they were probably planning on throwing his corpse into the river was not comforting.

He sighed again and wondered whether he would ever see Riff again, if he would ever get a chance to explain. It hurt him more than any amount of punches that the words 'I love you' may never be able to pass his lips.

* * *

"I know where he is." Caroline said quickly. "Roughly at least. He's by the Tower of Westminster, probably in some cellar or storeroom."

"But that isn't far from here!" Mary exclaimed. "Couldn't we go and search around and save brother from those awful people? Riff?"

Riff didn't answer her. He couldn't. His mind was full of images of disgusting opium addicts laying their filthy hands upon Cain so close to him that he imagined he could hear them. It made Riff feel sick. Nobody was good enough to touch Cain, _nobody_ and he felt privileged that he had ever been allowed.

It was at this moment that Riff realised that Caroline had been right. Wanting Cain the way he did wasn't sick, disgusting or evil. The only thing wrong with it was that it was illegal and when had the law ever stopped them from doing anything? At that moment, all Riff wanted to do was find Cain and hold him, clear all the blood away and kiss the pain from his features. The emotion was so strong it robbed Riff of speech, even of breath.

He was in love. And finally, he knew what to do about it.

Standing up suddenly, he started for the door.

"Riffriff, wait!" Caroline said sharply. "I'm coming with you!"

"So am I!" Mary chimed in. Riff shook his head.

"It's dangerous. I don't want either of you two getting hurt."

"There's a gun in the hall desk." Caroline said quietly. "We'll follow behind you and stay out of your way. Besides, you'll need my eyes to find him."

Riff sighed and nodded. There was nothing else he could do when faced with Caroline and Mary. "Then let's go. Cain needs us."

_And I need him._ He thought and for once, didn't feel guilty for thinking it.

* * *

"Time to pay your debt in full, rich boy."

Cain stared resolutely back at the men. If this was going to be the end, then he was going to end his life with dignity.

The men closed in on him, forming a rough semicircle. Two of them had guns but the others were unarmed. Cain decided they were going to have a free-for-all on him and felt mildly flattered. So it took five men to kill him, did it?

"Better pray to God that you're going to rich man heaven." The leader growled. "You've seen poor man heaven and this is it."

Cain still remained silent.

"Where shall we start, boys?"

As the men happily discussed this, Cain let his mind wander back to everything he was leaving behind. Mary Weather. She would be fine, he was sure of it. Despite what he said, Cain knew that when it came down to it, Oscar would do anything to protect her. The there was…Riff. Cain swallowed down the guilt that rose within him. If only he had been more forceful on that first night that now seemed like a year ago. He had his chance when they met in the park…

"_I could never love someone tainted by the world" _is what he had said. If only Cain had been able to get up and run after him, tell him that he was being ridiculous, that he was tainted beyond repair but that it was _okay_ because if Riff loved him, he had no use for the world anyway.

He closed his eyes as the men finally finished talking, not knowing there decision and not wanting to know. As they closed in on him, he screwed his eyes shut even tighter and moved his lips silently, beginning to form Riff's name.

The sound of a gunshot burst into the silence, and the men scattered, taking up places around the room, the leader staying with Cain. Now he could see, Cain realised one of the gun wielding cronies was on the floor with a bullet in his head. The other was advancing towards the door as the unarmed two took up places in the corners.

Another gunshot ripped through the air and Cain flinched as the other gunman was sent sprawling to the floor, a red circle blooming on his chest. One of the others began to run towards the back of the room but was stopped by the unseen voice from the doorway, the same voice which stopped Cain from breathing.

"Don't move."

Step by step, Riff advanced into the room and Cain was sure he was seeing an angel. Although Riff didn't look at him, Cain could see the anger in his face and suddenly felt safe.

"Who the hell are you?" The opium den owner yelled. "Were you sent by the girlfriend or something?"

"Girlfriend?" Riff raised an eyebrow. "I think you are quite mistaken."

One of the men that Cain had thought of as unarmed grabbed a knife from a hidden sheath at his ankle and flung it towards Riff who dodged it easily and pulled it out of the crumbling wall. The men glanced at each other and ran out of the back door as one. Riff watched them go but Cain still couldn't divert his eyes from Riff.

The final remaining man started to laugh as Riff walked towards him and only stopped laughing then the knife was buried into his stomach up to the hilt. Riff let go of the knife and the man fell to the floor, groaning.

Finally, Riff turned and his gaze met Cain's.

"Riff?" he whispered. "How did you find me?"

Riff seemed to smile. "I confess to having help this time but…I can always find you. Remember?"

Then all pretences of calmness fell down and Riff ran to Cain, ignoring the tears running down his face in burning lines.

* * *

"This," Caroline said from the doorway where she had been hiding with Mary, who had been forced to cover her eyes, "Is where we leave them to it, I think."

"Will they be okay?" Mary asked. "Riff seems really upset…"

"Mary, were you ever told why Riff left your house?"

Mary shook her head angrily. "I tried and tried to work it out but I couldn't…I just don't understand."

Caroline smiled and took her hand. "It's better that way, at least for now. Once _they_ have really worked it out someone will tell you."

"If they don't, will you?"

Caroline laughed. "Of course! Now, lets go shall we?"

Mary nodded and pushed Caroline's wheelchair back into the street and towards the house, feeling proud of herself and not knowing that Caroline was moving the wheels herself as well.

* * *

"Riff," Cain murmured, "I…"

"Not yet." Riff commanded. Let me untie you first."

Once the ropes had been cut and Cain had slithered down onto the floor which was more comfortable than the wretched chair, he began to cry at last.

"I thought…I thought I was going to…"he tried to speak through his tears but gave up trying when Riff raised a hand and wiped a tear away. His face was gentle which only made Cain more upset. He couldn't help feeling guilty.

"This is all my fault." He said quietly, "Because I didn't make you listen. You would never have left if I had told you that-"

"There's nothing you need to tell me, because-" Riff began but Cain placed a finger to his lips.

"There you go again! Stop interrupting me."

Riff smiled a little and nodded, ignoring the fact that his heart rate was speeding up. He waited silently as Cain gathered his thoughts.

"There's no easy way to say it," he began, "Well, there is but I've never liked taking the easy route. I just…Riff the reason why I…" he trailed off and then sighed. "I'm not good with words so…Riff, will you stay still a moment?"

Riff nodded, a little confused. All confusion was swept away and replaced by nervousness as Cain closed his eyes and leant forward. This time, he didn't even think of moving.

As their lips touched for what they both would always consider as the first time, the room seemed to vanish. The pain vanished, The confusion vanished. _Everything_ vanished except the pure emotion running between them, the care, the hope, the relief and all of this wrapped up in the love that suddenly felt so strong it should have been glowing around them for all to see.

Riff slowly brought his arms up from his sides and gently pulled Cain towards him so that they were both kneeling and their bodies were pressed against one another. Not because of some lustful urge but because it felt so right, holding Cain like this. Cain hesitantly raised his hands too, bringing them to rest either side of Riff's cheeks.

They broke apart mutually, and smiled gently at each other, not commenting on the blush that they were both wearing. Cain searched his mind for words but could find nothing to say; everything they had needed to say had already been communicated on a level deeper than words.

"I love you," Cain said quietly. "I wish it hadn't taken me so long to let you know."

"I love you too, Cain." Riff murmured, barely believing it was happening to them.

Cain almost gasped. "No honorific?"

"Not unless you want me to…" Riff answered, looking worried.

"No! Of course not! I…just….ah I don't know. Do we have somewhere to go?"

"I've been staying in a house near here. Mary is there too."

Cain smiled widely. "Thank you. Shall we go then?"

Riff nodded and helped Cain to his feet. They started to move towards the door but were stopped by the laughter. It bubbled out from behind them hideously and reminded them that something awful had been happening…and if someone was laughing, then it wasn't over.

They turned to see the owner of the opium den, who had rolled onto his side and was now laughing at them, blood trickling from his mouth.

"The boss was right," he rasped in between chuckles. "Sodomy is a sin you know."

Riff reached for his gun but stopped as the man laughed again.

"What's the use? Since I'm going to die anyway and they can't kill me, I think you should know…"

"Know what?" Riff asked quietly and felt cold all over.

"Someone's waiting for you back at the witched house, and they're going to be taking someone with them." He grinned. "Aren't your women at the house now? I wonder who it will be?"

* * *

So there you have it! See what I meant about the smex? In that room? Ew. Right on with the fiddly stuff..

**Huge thanks as always to my darling Riffette ****Keiko Hanyou. ****She knows I love her! And to ****Lyless and Lockesilver**** for adding me to her community as staff, no less! You're lovely**

**Also huge thanks to the people who always reviewed this from the beginning… sorry if any names are wrong… ****mochiusagi, takai-megami-chan,** **Vampire of the Bloody Rose,****Case-Chan'sAngel.**

**Finally, everyone who's reviewed, favourited, alerted, or even just skim read this. I love you all. **

**OH and one more thing – lots of notes here, hm? The lyrics to the song that originally inspired me to write this. Listen to it if you can: **_**Short Glance **_**by Lacrimas Profundere.**

_Go on go on  
One breath is guaranteed  
A short relation bleeds  
And that is what to leave  
Hold on and lead a break  
Full of tumbling sheets  
Or what we can believe_

I cannot leave your eyes  
Or think that it's over  
You shouldn't hold me back  
Please understand what you did  
And go away later  
I swear I will hold on

We crush in tears  
And threats are far away  
A long yearning  
We shouldn't calm on them  
And all the sickest lies  
I can't believe it's over and it's clear  
And you don't hear

**Sequel soon, yes indeedly. See you there..**

_**Sorryll xx**_


	9. SEQUEL

Oh dear, I seem to have killed this document. Round 2.

**The sequel has finally been started!** Find it under the name Say Goodbye or Say Forever – you can get to it from my profile page.

Sorry for the long long wait….more apologies in the story itself!

Thankee kindly!

Sorryll xx


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